I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
