After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
