found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
They have beer where we have blood.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize