how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
