I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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