my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
