As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
