I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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