I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
