It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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