A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Porn is love you can see.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
