Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
