Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
