They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
