Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let's paint friendship bongs
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
