Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
