He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize