im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
