I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
