woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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