girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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