dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
