just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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