it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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