hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You dont lie about slip and slides
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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