..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
