Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
