As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
