i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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