you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
