I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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