why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
