why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
