It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just invented taco cereal.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
