whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
