he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
