We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
