he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
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