I cannot find my penis.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
