my phone needs a breathalizer
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
