Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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