and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
