She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
