I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize