Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Is that strawberry winking at me??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
