I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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