Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
