I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
You made out with two different species that night
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
