it was like his penis was on wheels.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
