How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
