Quick, to the slutcave!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
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