and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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