We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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