This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
the condom got lost in my hair
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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