She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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