just tell him i said nine months
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
