Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
