Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
