Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize