I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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