my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Someone came in the potted fern
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
