My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
