ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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