I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
