Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
