At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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