they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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