12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
