omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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