accomplished twins. life is a go
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
