It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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