I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
You ate ashes out of my bong
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize