My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
